Growing Up Gupta

My Interracial Marriage Collapsed But It Made Me Stronger

I have been following You Tubers, A Singh Thing (aka Asia and CJ) for some time now.  I have laughed and cried with them as they navigated through their interracial/intercultural marriage and multicultural parenting. And so it was devastating to see their union end abruptly and to see Asia pick up the pieces for the sake of their beautiful daughters. Hence, I asked her to share some of her story on how although her interracial/intercultural marriage collapsed it made her stronger.

About

Meet Asia Joyner. Asia and her ex, CJ, are both 27 years old. She is African-American, and she was born in the Bronx, NY. CJ is Indian, and he was born in Punjab, India. CJ didn’t live there very long; instead, his family moved to New York when he was 3. Together Asia and CJ have two daughters, Sarai and Sophia.

How They Met

CJ and Asia met while working at Duane Reade. He was her supervisor.

How Long Had They Been Together

Overall, Asia and CJ were together for almost seven years. About a year into their relationship, she got pregnant with their daughter, which put a strain on the relationship CJ has with his family. They disowned him for having a child with Asia, which ended up being one of many dark clouds in their marriage.

Getting Married

After five years together, CJ and Asia got married, December of 2016. But their marriage did not last long. They separated in January of 2018. While married, they realized that they both wanted two different kinds of spouses. CJ wanted Asia to be a submissive housewife who picked up after him and didn’t ask for assistance when it came to the household or children. Asia wanted a husband that understands that your family comes first. And one that recognizes that being a parent means there will be moments when you’ll have to make sacrifices and do what is best for your children. All CJ wanted to do was go to work, come home & eat, and be left alone. Life as a husband & father demanded more than what he was willing to give.

What Caused the Collapse Of Their Marriage

The Warning Signs

There were tons of warning signs before getting married. Asia knew that CJ was not accustomed to taking care of himself before he met her because his mother took care of the majority of his needs. He always made work his priority and belittled her job. When it came to helping Asia with their firstborn, it was always a fight. He didn’t want to bath her or feed her. He would complain when Asia asked him to pick her up from school even though he was the one with the car, and it would take her over an hour to get to her school and over an hour to get back home. There would always be an argument if Asia asked CJ to show up to a school event.
When Asia saw these signs, she would address them to the point where she felt she was nagging him. But he always insisted he would change. CJ and Asia discussed their expectations of each other before getting married, and he promised he would support her becoming an entrepreneur and be more helpful with their daughter. While Asia was pregnant, they agreed on things like CJ tending after Sarai while she took care of the baby or vice versa. They decided he would pick up Sarai from school while Asia had Sophia. Once Sophia was born, it was almost impossible to get CJ to hold Sophia while she went to the restroom or bathed. If Asia needed to make a quick trip to the store, he demanded she take both children with her while he sat at home doing nothing.
After those promises weren’t kept and they separated, she had a brief moment of depression. But because her youngest daughter was only three months old and the other was three years old, Asia did not have the time to wallow. Listen below as Asia tells all.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7IAIW7cVoU

How Did Asia Pick Up The Pieces After The Collapse Of The Marriage

Asia was forced to pick herself up and be a single parent. She made the decision to get a divorce because she was so unhappy co-existing with someone who was constantly taking out of her cup to fill his own. So having him gone gave her the peace & happiness she needed. Asia’s only heartache was that her children would not have their father in their lives.

Would Asia Be In An Interracial Or Intercultural Relationship Again

Presently Asia does not think she would ever be in an interracial/intercultural relationship again. She does not want to feel like she is making someone change who they are and what they believe in, and she loves her culture. Moreover, she is not willing to change her culture for anyone else either.

How Did The Ending Of The Marriage Change Asia

This relationship and marriage has made Asia realize how important her happiness is. She knows her worth and what she deserves. She’ll never settle for less than that. It was just one year of marriage, but Asia had never been so miserable in her life. She told herself to stay for the sake of her daughters. But she knew they were watching her, and she didn’t want them to grow up believing that the role of a woman was to only stay at home and tend to the kids while the man goes out to work. Asia wants her girls to understand and believe that the sky is the limit and no one should ever deter their dreams. Her girls understanding the importance of their worth means more to her than anything.

What Multicultural Parenting Tips Would She Like To Share

Asia’s advice to multicultural parents is to be honest with your children. Let them know as early as possible what it means to share two cultures in the same home. And that no one’s culture is right or wrong. They’re just different. They need to understand some cultures may blend well together and some might not. And that’s OK. They can go into friendships/ relationships optimistic, but they can’t force their cultures to always blend so easily or even at all. Frankly put, Asia did not know much about Indian culture and traditions, but she wants to learn as much as possible to teach her girls. She wants to find someone who can teach them their father’s language.
Additionally, Asia hopes to travel to India with them as they get older. There may be people who aren’t happy with their mixed race, but she wants them to be proud of who they are. Ultimately, getting a divorce was the best decision Asia ever made for her girls and herself.

Thank you, Asia, for sharing your emotional, raw, and moving story with us.  What did you think of Asia’s story?   Find and follow Asia on Instagram @elizab3thjoy and her beautiful 6-year-old daughter, Sarai @joysofSarai.  You can also join them on their journey on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_4jFB0K6NZSSP_gorFgFfw and make sure to subscribe.

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