It Took Me 5 Years To Tell My Indian Parents About My Black Boyfriend
It Took Me 5 Years To Tell My Indian Parents About My Black Boyfriend
We Had A Soul Connection.
About
Meet Amreet and Luis! Amreet is a British Punjabi Indian woman and the creator of Kaur Confidence. She was born and bred in Coventry in the United Kingdom. Her fiancé Luis is an Angolan African man. Luis was born in Luanda in Angola and moved to England when he was 13 years old.
How They Met
They met at Secondary School (High school) when they were both 17 years old.
How Did They Know They Were Meant To Be Together
Amreet felt a deep connection to Luis. She calls it the ‘“soul connection” where you’re so familiar with someone, but you have only just met. After speaking to Luis several times, Amreet knew something had changed for her, and their relationship got deep very quickly.
How Long Have They Been Together
We have been together for 16 years, from teenagers to adults.
What Happened When Luis’s Family Found Out He Was Dating Amreet
Luis’s mum was happy for them, but she was apprehensive. She warned him that Amreet’s family might not accept or welcome him because of their racial differences. But if he was sure he wanted to be Amreet, she would stand by them.
How Was Meeting Luis’s Family For the First Time
The first time Amreet met Luis’s mum; she was excited. They met while Amreet and Luis attended his brother’s wedding in Angola. Amreet felt like she had jumped into the deep end, because all of his family was there. They were all so lovely and welcoming. The only difficulty was that his mum only spoke Portuguese.
What Happened When Amreet’s Family Found Out She Was Dating Luis
When Amreet’s parents first found out about Luis, it was terrible. They found out she was dating at school, which she wasn’t allowed to do, and then that Luis was Black, which was not allowed.
Not Allowed To Date Black Or Muslim People
Simply put, Amreet’s relationship with Luis was a huge “no-no” in their family. From a young age, she was told, “Do not bring a Black or Muslim person into the family; White people you could just about get away with.”
Getting The Courage To Tell Her Parents About Luis Five Years Later
Five years into her relationship with Luis, Amreet finally plucked up the courage to tell her parents that she was still with Luis. She had enough of the secrecy and lying and wanted it out in the open. Amreet told her dad and asked him if he wanted to meet Luis. Her dad immediately said no. “You’ve made your decision; what’s the point in meeting him now?” Amreet then told her mum, who said she understood. Amreet was devastated but happy that she told her parents and that now they knew.
Amreet’s Dad Asking To Meet Luis
A week later, Amreet’s dad told her that he had spoken to some colleagues at work (from other cultures) they told him he should be happy; she told him about Luis. They wished their children did this as they saw it as a sign of respect and approval. After this, he asked Amreet to organize a meal to meet Luis.
How Was Meeting Amreet’s Family For The First Time
When Luis met Amreet’s parents for the first time, it was one of the most nerve-racking days of her life. She had reservations because it would make things very difficult for them if they didn’t like him. Still, she was hopeful because everyone got along with Luis. The four of them went out to dinner, and her parents got along well with Luis (as predicted).
What Obstacles Have They Dealt With For Being In An Interracial Relationship
The obstacles that Amreet and Luis have faced for being in an interracial relationship are feeling fear, shame, and guilt. Even more for Amreet, the incredible toll of keeping secrets, constant lying, and sneaking around. Living like this was hard and impacted Amreet’s mental and physical health. She was diagnosed with a chronic illness, Ulcerative Colitis, and spent many months in the hospital and had to undergo operations to be able to live independently again. Amreet realized she had to tell her parents about Luis to stop feeling like this.
What’s more, South Asian people in the streets have given them dirty looks. One man said, “Girls these days are so stupid; they don’t even know what they’re doing'” Hearing this enraged Amreet, but Luis (the cooler-headed one) would say forget it, ignore it. He knew there was no point in reacting to them, as that’s what they wanted. There’s no point arguing with ignorant people.
Amreet And Luis’s Advice For Other Couples
1. What’s Your Why
Amreet realized her “why” after something, Luis said to her. Right at the beginning of their journey, when she was freaking out and saying it would never work as their relationship wasn’t logical, he asked her three questions:
“What do you want? What does your heart say? What does your intuition tell you?”
Nobody had ever asked her these questions before. In Amreet’s family, you think with your brain, are logical, and do the right thing. No one ever asked her what she wanted deep down inside. After thinking about it like this, it was an easy decision for Amreet to make. She knew Luis was her soul mate and that she had to stay with him no matter what.
2. Love & Trust
Trust yourself, each other, and your relationship. The love and connection you have for each other is why you’re together. You’ve found someone you have a soul connection with and want to build your life with. If this means disconnecting with people who disagree, trust that it’s the right decision for you both.
Not that it has to be one or the other because Amreet and Luis are proof that you can have both. Instead, when it does have to come to a choice, Amreet believes in asking yourself the following questions (shown below) and to look within.
Who do you want to live with, marry, have children with, and grow old with, if you want any of this at all?
Who do you want to come home to and tell your day about?
Who do you want there when you’re having the big moments in life supporting you and celebrating with you?
Who do you see in your future?
3. Time and patience
Things take time to happen; Don’t expect quick results. It took Amreet’s dad 5 years to agree to meet Luis. It took another few years for Luis to meet the rest of Amreet’s family.
The stigma and racism in the South Asian community are deeply rooted, it will take time for them to understand your choices and evolve, and sometimes they don’t.
What Amreet knew was that she did not want to lose her parents or Luis. When they had setbacks, Amreet regrouped and assessed the situation.
Now wasn’t the time. It didn’t mean the time would never come.
Amreet was patient, and she waited. She understood there was no point arguing or trying to prove a point when it was falling on deaf ears. It’s only when people make decisions for themselves things change.
4. Communication
Open and honest communication in your relationship is key. Make sure you’re both on the same page. You both feel safe and secure to share your emotions and feelings.
Difficult decisions might need to be made. Refrain from assuming you know, ask questions and listen to one another and really make space and have quality time for each other.
Amreet and Luis believe if you can go through life with a partner you love, trust, and supports you, you’ve already won half the battle.
What Do They Love About Being In An Interracial/Intercultural Relationship
So many things it’s hard to list them all.
Amreet loves being with an amazing man, who makes her so happy, who is by her side, in her corner, her support, and her number one fan. Luis gets her and is always rooting for her no matter what. He connects with Amreet on a soul level, makes her laugh, and helps her see the world in such wonderful and unique new ways. Luis is the opposite of Amreet, but he completes her- the Yin to her Yang.
Furthermore, Amreet and Luis love that they get to be a part of each other’s cultures and learn about different ceremonies and celebrations. Last year they moved to Angola. It was a massive move for them, and Amreet has enjoyed being a part of Luis’s family and living where he was born.
Moreover, they have both realized that their cultures are very similar. Family value is essential; they are close to their families and have prominent families with many uncles, aunts, and cousins. Having access to different types of traditional cuisines is so awesome. Luis likes Indian food. And Amreet enjoys Angolan cuisine. Foods they learned that they have in common are different versions of samosas and rice pudding called Arroz Doce, which South Asians call Kheer.
What Are They Still Learning
Being together for so long, Amreet and Luis have grown from teenagers to adults, and each chapter of their life is something new. They have learned new things about each other and have ascertained that communication is important as they grow and change. It’s an ongoing and exciting journey as they blossom into their best selves individually and as a couple.
Amreet is so excited about their next chapter, as they are getting married this year and planning to start a family together.
What Made Amreet Start Kaur Confidence
In 2020 Amreet was stuck in life. She had a very low mood and mindset and didn’t recognize herself anymore.
Amreet needed help, guidance, and support. She tried counseling, which helped with how she felt but not with what she should do next. She then tried life coaching. During these sessions, Amreet realized she had a lot of trauma and healing that needed to be worked through. She also came to the realization that coaching was for her.
Amreet wanted to help women, but she needed to do the work on herself first. She started her life coaching training course and worked with different coaches, focusing on many aspects of her life: mindset, spiritual energy, business, physical health, and divine feminine energy work.
After much self-development, personal growth, and healing Amreet was ready to use her knowledge, life experiences, and training to help others.
Amreet became a certified Life Coach in 2021. She created Kaur Confidence Life Coaching. Initially, she empowered South Asian women to rediscover their core values, self-belief, and core confidence. She helped women uncover their natural strengths to stop feeling fed up and frustrated to feeling confident and fulfilled. Amreet enhanced their ways of living so that they found purposeful direction with clear goals.
However, Amreet pivoted her business in 2022 to focus on South Asian women in interracial relationships. She now coaches South Asian women struggling with cultural expectations to reclaim their courage and Confidence, to live the life they want, not the life they were told to live, with freedom of choice.
This occurred after Amreet spoke about her relationship on Instagram. The response was negative. People told her that she was ‘brave’ to speak out about her relationship and that she should have kept it personal. Also, a family member said her relationship wasn’t ‘official’ enough, so he wasn’t invited to her party.
As a result, Amreet decided to conduct a survey to see what people actually thought about those who were in interracial relationships or experienced them. Only 54% of participants’ parents knew about their relationship, and 50% said they were not confident to talk about their interracial relationship openly and proudly to family/ friends/ people they know.
On top of this, Amreet went to events speaking about her coaching and relationship. Women came up to her saying they were happy for her but wouldn’t know how to feel if their children were with a Black partner. When Amreet asked why, they couldn’t answer. The stigma was still there, and it made her feel sick, angry, and determined.
Amreet knew she had to change this narrative and help women still suffering from this stigma in their relationships.
So many South Asian women have spoken to me about feeling fear, guilt, and shame and are constantly worried about their relationship. The impact of living a double life, in secrecy and lies, leads to experiencing physical ailments, mental breakdowns, and spiritual trauma. And that is precisely how Amreet was in the beginning of her relationship.
Women suffer all this because of cultural expectations and social conditioning that being with someone outside your community are wrong, especially if he is Black.
This is why Amreet provides coaching, support, guidance, and mentorship for South Asian women to live in alignment, be true to who they are, overcome negative self-beliefs, navigate difficult conversations, and honor their cultural identities.
Ways clients can work with Amreet are:
-12 week 1:1 coaching program called “Unapologetically You”
– 4-week 1:1 coaching program called “Foundationally You”
-Access the ‘5 Step Mindset Mantras Audio Series’
-‘ The MASTERED Method’ is a free video guide to have tough conversations
-Complimentary 20 minutes clarity calls for anyone who wants to discuss how to work with me.
Amreet is also trained and certified in Level 2 counseling skills, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which gives her extensive access to tools and techniques to use in her coaching. All her coaching is bespoke and tailored around her clients, as she knows clients need different methods on their healing and transformation journey.
The vital thing about Amreet’s coaching is that clients know they are not alone. She understands what they’re going through; they have someone they can turn to and trust in a safe, non-judgmental space.
Anything Else They Want To Add To Help Others Reading This
Amreet wants to make it her mission and life purpose to eradicate the stigma and negativity attached to interracial relationships in the South Asian community and to show the world that these relationships are just as beautiful as any other.
Alongside this, she wants to diminish the hate, hurt, and pain felt because someone is choosing to live life the way they want to.
Speak up for anti-blackness issues, call out racism and toxic behavior in the South Asian community. The world needs more love, positive energy, and support. We truly believe it starts with me, you, and us. Please never feel alone; if you have been affected by this, please reach out. Find out and connect with Amreet via social media.
IG: https://www.instagram.com/kaurconfidence/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kaurconfidence?lang=en
Email: [email protected]
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kaurconfidence/
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