Multicultural Resources Parenting The Art of Interracial Marriage

Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You: One Of The Most Devastating Interracial Love Stories You Will Ever Read

Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You:  One Of The Most Devastating Interracial Love Stories You Will Ever Read

Interracial/Intercultural Marriage: British Jamaican Man and British Indian Woman

About Us

Our names are Don and Rebecca.  Don is a British Jamaican man, and Rebecca is a British Indian woman.  We were both born and raised in London, UK.

How We Met

Grieving A Breakup

We met each other by chance.  It was the most bizarre evening.  One that we interpret as a miracle that brought us together.  Rebecca had been in a very low place after breaking up with someone almost seven months prior.  She was still mourning her last relationship, which ended because they could not be together because their families were not accepting of the relationship due to religion.  Therefore they ended the relationship because they had to, and he ended up having an arranged marriage (and got married as they broke up).  So the moving on period had been nearly impossible for her.

As a result, her girlfriends frequently came over to get her out of the house.  They knew she needed to be supported and reminded that her life was not over.  Her usual way of coping was to go for a drive, and so they ended up taking a ride in her car.  Rebecca did not even comb her hair, which had started to look quite matted and extremely messy, and she was still wearing her pajamas. So with awfully messy hair, half-tied up in a ponytail, she put on a hoodie and grabbed the nearest sneakers and her car keys.  Rebecca felt it was great to get out again with her girlfriends to talk and to laugh.

By default, she drove in the direction of where she would always meet her ex.  And as she got out of the car, she realized there was nothing there.   She was no longer that weak girl, and she deserved respect and someone that would fight for their love.  Her girlfriends cheered her on as she got back into the car.

The Light And Look That Would Change Everything

While driving back to her home, Rebecca noticed a light shining down from the sky into a vehicle.  To this day, she can not comprehend what it was and how she saw it from afar.  Nonetheless, as she drove down the road, in the distance, she saw the side profile of a face in a car turning at the roundabout.  At that moment, she said to her friends, oh my goodness, and her friends asked her what was wrong.  Rebecca told them that there is the most beautiful looking man that she has ever seen, and he is heading our way.  Her girlfriends were shocked because she had not spoken of a man like this for over four years.

Strangely enough, as Rebecca and her friends passed him, he gave her a look as he saw her.   Her friends were super excited by how gorgeous he was, and they were all in the car feeling like teenagers again.  One of her friends immediately said, go round to the exit he took, but Rebecca did not want to do that.  Seconds later, her friend continued, what is the harm in it? Just go!  So they did. And as they headed towards the exit, he took, they saw that he was still there and they continued to pass him without looking in his direction.

He Is Following Us Now

Surprisingly, as Rebecca looked into her rearview mirror there, he was following behind. And they were all giddy, and she felt rather happy because she had not felt a real giggle with her girls for a long time. Rebecca decided to park the car, and he parked and got out of his car.  As he walked towards her car, she realized that she was still in her pajamas and her hair was undone, and she had no makeup on.  So she told her girlfriends to go for it, she was not interested.

Eagerly her friends watched him approach the passenger side of the car.  He spoke to her girlfriends while Rebecca looked out onto the road.  He then asked if “the driver has a phone number”?  Rebecca felt like a little girl inside but responded by saying, “don’t ask about me in front of me, talk to me directly!”  It was then that she found out that his name was Don, and he asked her for her phone number.

Finally Ready For Love

Rebecca refused several dates with Don for a few months, and then they started to talk on the phone. Eventually, they became friends, and he made her laugh a lot, and she looked forward to his calls.  And once she had fully grieved her previous relationship, she went on a date with Don.

How Did You Know You Were Meant To Be Together

We are both from completely different backgrounds, and it was really how we met and how we felt. There was a powerful connection. We are both firm believers in energy, and we believe our souls are connected, and that the light that shined down on Don that day was for a reason. Rebecca met Don at the lowest point in his life, and Don believes Rebecca was the strength that was there to get him through, and the love was so pure.

How Long Have We Been Together

We have been together for 21 years and recently celebrated our wedding anniversary.

How Was Meeting Don’s Parents For The First Time

Don’s father lived in Jamaica, and he had been separated from his mother since he was a young boy.  Therefore,  the first time Rebecca met his dad was via phone, and he was such a lovely and welcoming man.  On the contrary, Don’s mother was not warm.  She treated Rebecca like she was invisible, and she was bothered by their relationship.

How Was Meeting Rebecca’s Parents For The First Time

Don was very nervous the first time he met Rebecca’s parents at their house because her father was strict.  As a result, he was meeting them as her friend, although Rebecca’s mom knew they were dating.  After the formal introductions were over, they did welcome Don with open arms and treated him like a son.

What Obstacles Have You Or Are You Encountering For Being In An Interracial/Intercultural Marriage

Unfortunately, the journey has been grueling, and the pressure has been colossal.  Rebecca’s entire family, even the elders back in India, accepted Don from the start and welcomed him into the family.   Rebecca has no family in England except her mother, father, and brother. Thereby growing up as a child, her Indian community was also her family.   In essence, she referred to her parent’s friends as auntie and uncle and their children as her cousins since they grew up together.  To her, they were all extended family members.

Yet, with the news of Don and Rebecca’s relationship and her becoming pregnant with their daughter, Shaniah, her parents, were outcasted and ill-treated by the Indian community.   What should have been a joyous time turned into a living hell.  With the exception of a few school friends, the friends/cousins that she had her entire life shunned her and said dreadful things about her.
To make matters worse,  when their daughter Shaniah was a month old, she suffered brain damage and was in a coma. Doctors told Don and Rebecca that she would be disabled or never walk, or eat solids. During her hospitalization, Don’s mom and family (four siblings and kids from a prior relationship) in the UK provided no support.  And they showed the same callousness when Rebecca miscarried their son and struggled with a horrendous battle with cancer lasting over two years.  She was told she wouldn’t live (and ended up losing twins subsequent to her diagnosis of cancer). Still, there were no calls, texts, or visits by Don’s family.  Instead, they had left Rebecca and Shaniah for dead.  Afterward, Don’s mother did openly admit to her racism, and his family in the UK have never accepted Rebecca or their child because they are not “black.”

How Did Or Are You Overcoming These Obstacles

We count our blessings.   We lean on Rebecca’s dad and brother (our Gupta family) for unconditional love and support.  Don’s father, who was our only support on his side of his family, passed away in 2010.  And Rebecca’s mom passed away in 2013, and they were both strong pillars for our union.  Altogether, every single one of these experiences and many more brought us together.  They made us stronger. We are just the three musketeers as we like to say.  Without a doubt, we believe that love conquers all time and time again!

Provide Any Marriage Tips You Wish You Knew Beforehand

We wish we knew not to worry about what others think or what they will say about you.  Love openly and from the heart. Go with your gut.  If the relationship feels right, then you know it is right.  Other people don’t make your marriage or your future. We are in love 21 years later, and as Rebecca’s father has said, we haven’t killed anyone or done anything illegal. What is our crime? To fall in love and to be open to all races and love each other as one. Remember those who genuinely love you will support you because they want you to be happy.

Share With Us Your Top Tips To An Interracial/Intercultural Marriage

Our top tips are as follows:

  • Embrace each other completely.
  • Embrace both cultures.   It’s so important to take the time to understand each other’s cultures or backgrounds.
  • Communicate every step and help each other on the journey.

What Do You Love About Being In An Interracial/Intercultural Marriage

Don loves that Indian culture is so very rich and colorful and filled with tradition. In addition to the importance of family.
Rebecca has learned about Jamaican culture from Don and has found that his family in the UK is not an accurate representation of Jamaican families. Customarily Jamaican families are warm, welcoming, and full of life.

What Are You Still Learning From Being In An Interracial/Intercultural Marriage

There’s always so much to learn, and there’s always going to be adverse reactions. We are still learning how to deal with parenting a multiracial child, and a child that is not accepted by her Jamaican family.

What Advice Or Tips Do You Have For Others Raising Multiracial Children

It’s vital to raise children to understand and appreciate both cultures.  We have also found it’s equally better when both parents embrace each other’s cultures.  Our daughter has had to grow up with rejection.  She does not understand why all her cousins hang out and spend time with their grandmother, and she can not; why none of her Jamaican family have not bothered to know her.

Rebecca, Don, and Shaniah

Anything Else You Would Like To Add To Help Others Reading This

As long as your love is true, the world and their opinions don’t matter. Never sacrifice your happiness, or your soul mate for society because society will always have judgment.
What did you think of Don and Rebecca’s  heart-shattering, tear-jerking, and love endures all love story?  Thank you, Don and Rebecca, for sharing your harrowing story and the depths of your love 21 years later with us. Please help me in congratulating them on their recent wedding anniversary.
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