I’m An Indian Woman In Love With A Nigerian Man
“What Did Your Parents Say?”
Guest Post By Sukhi Saggu
What did your parents say is a question that I often get asked when I say that I am in a relationship with an African man. I am an Indian girl who has grown up in a Punjabi family and tradition is critical to us. I met my handsome, Nigerian man one night when I went clubbing with my University friends and I was completely sober. I had gone to the bar to ask for water (the broke student life!), and he had caught my eye and helped me get a drink. We danced and got to know each other and the week after, we had our first date!
I’ve Fallen In Love With An African Man
Almost four years later, I still get asked what did my parents think of us being together. “So what did they say?” My mother and my sister were not 100% keen on how serious our relationship was, but they are very open people. I don’t think they are still 100% eager on it, to be honest, but they have warmed up. I don’t really talk to my dad, but he found out and confronted my mother about it but never honestly had the guts to speak to me about it. The thing is, it’s important to realize what makes you happy.
There are too many people to satisfy, and often we let that consume us but why shouldn’t you be happy?
That is the philosophy we both held and used that to make us stronger. My, extended family, however, have completely disowned me. This was a blessing in disguise because they are not very nice people in all honesty. I never got along with their beliefs, and due to having an all-female household, we are often looked down on a lot. My grandparents are a bit confusing. Just this morning my mother told me that they are happy to hear that I got a new job in an amazing company and that he and I are making our lives and “at least she is with one man“… I can only take that as a positive!
What Does His Family Think
On my African partner’s side, he has a close-knit family too of his mother, father, and brother and they are the people that matter and I really like them! They have welcomed me with open arms and have helped us a lot. More importantly, they are understanding and made an effort to get to know me as well.
There is one little difference: my partner and his family are quite religious Christians. My family is quite religious Sikhs. And, I’m an atheist, possibly an agnostic atheist. In some interracial relationships, there is often this situation. However, it can work! How? Be open-minded and curious because there is so much that you can learn from one another. Try not to get offended and push your faith on your partner- there is usually a reason why they believe what they do and more importantly, respect it.
In my journey, I have found that our two cultures are similar in so many ways that it has shocked me. Both cultures are proud, hardworking and genuinely value their elders and respect their peers. These are strong core values that are echoed in the family household, so we encourage them heavily in ours. Once again, be open to new things. My partner is the worst at that! He likes what he likes, and that’s it. However, over the years he has slowly opened up to Indian food and Italian food, etc.. This is also the same for me! I do not like egusi (a West African seafood stew) at all. It is also worth noting that I do not eat meat, but I do love some jellof rice with salad or some moi moi (Nigerian Steamed Pudding without fish) and pounded yam! Even after these years we are still learning what we like and don’t like but life, I said, an open mind is vital. Of course, you will get a lot of stares, and you will get a lot of pressure but leave that where it belongs – outside the relationship. Enjoy each other and keep each other happy. At the end of the day, it’s you two against the world!
Are you in an intercultural/interracial or interfaith relationship? What has your experience been like? Post a comment below. Like our content subscribe! Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest @growingupguptas and on Twitter @growingupgupta.