I’M IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE OF ANOTHER RACE/CULTURE. HOW DO I TELL MY PARENTS?

I’M IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE OF ANOTHER RACE/CULTURE.  HOW DO I TELL MY PARENTS?

HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE

Your heart is pounding and you feel like you are on cloud nine when you are with him/her.  This person inspires you, encourages you, and makes you feel like you can conquer the world.  And when you are together it is as if it is just the two of you.

You have met the man or woman of your dreams that you can talk to for hours on end.  You can’t wait to see them and hear their voice again.  They get you and you get them.  Yet for some reason these feelings become overshadowed by their race and/or culture being different than your own.  Fear, anxiety, and thoughts of, “what if” start to consume you.

What if my parents don’t accept him/her?  Am I bringing dishonor and shame to my family?  We traditionally have arranged marriages in our family, althought, love marriages are on the rise.  I love him/her but is love enough?  My parents raised me to be self-assured, and to not live by the sterotypes placed on people in the world.  Nonethless, will they be so free thinking when it comes to my interracial/intercultural relationship?

RECEPTIVITY

There is a saying that timing is golden.  And when you are in a new relationship with someone you want to shout to the world that the  two of you are together.  However you may find yourself plagued with guilt and/or hesitation in doing so because you do not know what your family’s receptivity will be.   Particularly if your family’s culture traditionally dictates the type of person you are suppose to marry. Yes, such as Northen Indians should only marry Northern Indians and not… And we are Sikh so we only marry Sikh etc.

SUBTLY BRING THE RELATIONSHIP UP

This may end up being a mute point for some of you.  Then again, if it is not then slowly and subtly gauge things with your parents. A great question to ask is: Mom and/or Dad what if I like a x (insert their  ethnicity) and want to be with him/her? What are your thoughts on this?  Read your parents expression and demeanor when they reply.  This will allow you to understand if your relationship will be received with open arms or not.

WHAT IF THE RELATIONSHIP IS NOT WELL RECEIVED?

If the relationship is not well received then you have to ready yourself for a myriad of threats, ultimatums, and the possibility of being disowned.  Being disowned is how bad it could get and there is more information about it here.  But hopefully it doesn’t come to this and calmer minds prevail in your family.  Here are some tips/strategy for dealing with this situation:

3 TOP TIPS/STRATEGY WHEN THE RELATIONSHIP IS NOT WELL RECEIVED:

1.) You need to find out, outside of skin color, what are the REAL objections to your relationship? Are the objections related to: culture, family background, how the children are going to look, perception, religion?  It is not just the color of the skin because that is a complete and utter cop out remark. What is the root cause Mom and/or Dad?
2.) Make sure that you are independent and mature.  It is important to show your parents that you have finished school,  and you are working, and living on your own.  This way you are coming from a position of responsibility and maturity.
3.) Give your family and yourself room to digest the situation.  Lean on your significant other, and, other family, and friends for support where applicable.

 

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